Direct from Blockbuster Research Labs:

Ask your doctor whether any of these drugs are right for you:

Lunestrogen
What it is: a combination of the sleep aid Lunesta and the female hormone estrogen
What it does: promotes sleep and causes dreams to have the plot of a chick flick
Side effect: crying or unconscious popcorn eating

Prepapecia
What it is: a combination of Preparation H, which shrinks hemorrhoids, and Propecia, which encourages hair growth
What it does: shrinks your head so that new hair provides more coverage
Side effect: male-pattern preening

Xanopan
What it is: a combination of Ditropan, a drug that treats overactive bladder, and Xanax, the antianxiety medication
What it does: eases social anxiety by keeping your bladder just active enough so that you can legitimately excuse yourself from uncomfortable situations
Side effect: flushing

Testosteracid
What it is: the male hormone testosterone and the heartburn medication Prevacid
What it does: gives you the courage to eat chili at tailgate parties
Side effect: air pollution

Depravachol
What it is: a combination of the anti-cholesterol medication Pravachol with an over-the-counter decongestant
What it does: corrects respiratory and circulatory damage caused by inhaling a plate of fettuccine alfredo
Side effect: weight gain

Simethistatin
What it is: anti-cholesterol statin drugs, whose side effects can include excess gas, and simethicone, which helps the body eliminate gas
What it does: relieves gas bloat and cures oil addiction by harvesting your body’s alternative source of energy and channeling it into a car
Side effect: the embarrassing spectacle of filling the tank

Xenicalamine
What it is: the weight-loss drug Xenical and the pink poison-ivy lotion calamine
What it does: Xenical shrinks you, making the lotion go further
Side effect: the unattractive pink crust, even on a thin person

Nicocaine
What it is: Nicoderm (the nicotine patch) and Novocain (the dental anesthetic)
What it does: provides a smokeless nicotine fix, extinguishes cigarettes by making you drool on them
Side effect: at a restaurant, possible seating in the slobbering section

Cialicillin
What it is: penicillin combined with Cialis, a drug that treats erectile dysfunction
What it does: one drug makes disease exposure possible, while the other treats it on the spot
Side effect: more commercials with aging Romeos in hot tubs

OxyCongress
What it is: the synthetic narcotic OxyContin combined with any food found in the U.S. Capitol cafeteria
What it does: sedates Congress so it won’t make the Medicare prescription-drug plan any more confusing
Side effect: no effect on lobbyists, who write most of the bills anyway

hat tip: Joe Blundo