Pfizer - over-adapting to scale?

NEW YORK, N.Y. (UP) - Pfizer will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2008, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually employs.

Pfizer stock soared more than 12 points on the news.

The reduction decision, announced Wednesday, came after a year-longinternal review of cost-cutting procedures.The initial report concluded the company would save $1.2billion by eliminating 20 percent of its 108,000 employees.

From there, said a spokesperson, "it didn't take a genius to figure out that if we cut 40 percent of our workforce, we'd save $2.4 billion, and if we cut 100 percent of our workforce, we'd save $6 billion. But then we thought, why stop there? Let's cut another 20 percent and save $7 billion.

"We believe in increasing shareholder value, and we believe that by decreasing expenditures, we enhance our competitive cost position and our bottom line," he added.

Pfizer plans to achieve the 100 percent internal reduction through layoffs, attrition and early retirement packages. To achieve the 20 percent in external reductions, the company plans to involuntarily downsize 22,000 non-Pfizer employees who presently work for other companies.

"We pretty much picked them out of a hat,".

Among firms Pfizer has picked as "External Reduction Targets," or ERTs, are Quaker Oats, AMR Corporation, parent of American Airlines, Lockheed, Boeing, and Charles Schwab & Co.

Pfizer's plan presents a "win-win" forthe company and ERTs, said Chris, as any savings by ERTs would be passed onto Pfizer, while the ERTs themselves would benefit by the increase in stock price that usually accompanies personnel cutback announcements.

"We're also hoping that since, over the years, we've been really helpful to a lot of companies, they'll do this for us kind of as a favor,".

Legally, pink slips sent out by Pfizer would have no standing at ERT's unless those companies agreed.

While executives at ERTs declined to comment,employees at those companies said they were not inclined to cooperate.

"This is ridiculous. I don't work for Pfizer. They can't fire me," said Beyonce Blackburn, a flight attendant with American Airlines.

Reactions like that, replied the Pfizer spokesperson "are not very sporting."

Inspiration for Pfizer's plan came from previous cutback initiatives, said company officials. In January of 1998, for instance, the company announced it would trim 18,000 jobs over two years. However, just a year later, Pfizer said it had already reached its quota. "We were quite surprised at the number of employees willing to leave Pfizer in such a hurry, and we decided to build on that".

Analysts credited the short-term vision, noting that the announcement had the desired effect of immediately increasing Pfizer's share value.

However, the long-term ramifications could be detrimental, said Bear Stearns analyst Homer Simpson (no relation)."It's a little early to tell, but by eliminating all its employees, Pfizer may jeopardize its market position and could, at least theoretically, cease to exist," said Simpson.

The spokesperson, however, urged patience: "To my knowledge, this hasn't been done before, so let's just wait and see what happens."

This spoof adapted from one sent by ......... "Beyonce Blackburn" (pseudonym)!