A cautionary tale in the new UK NHS

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

Both subsequently died in the ambulance and the Primary Care Trust set up an enquiry, which came to the following conclusions:

1. The 50 mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the couples' best interests.

2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his head was unfortunate but no targets had been breached and he had been offered a choice.

3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not material to the man's death as NICE had not yet decided whether it was cost-effective and in any case both the brown paper nurse and the vinegar nurse were away on courses.

4. The family doctor was most to blame and should be suspended and referred to the General Medical Council as he had:

a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lack of water to social services;

b. Failed to recognise that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail of water must be seriously demented;

c. Had not involved the Falls Co-ordinator which resulted in Jill tumbling after Jack.