“So me an’ Paul were ‘aving a couple of pints dahn the pub, as yer do, like, when ‘e sez t’me, “’Ere, Dave, ‘ow’s the ol’ Crestor sales doin’ then?”
“Leave it aht,” I sez. “We keep runnin’ trial after bleedin’ trial based on tryin’ to show some sort of worthwhile clinical benefit, an’ all we keep comin’ up wiv is bugger all, know wotta mean, like? Best fing we can do is t’ let it slide off patent in a coupla year’s time, like, an’ jus’ cut our losses.”
“Sounds t’ me like you ain’t designin’ the trials right,” sez Paul, neckin’ ‘is Stella. “Wot you need is a way of testing all the old geezers you sign up, such that when you put ‘em on your drug, some of ‘em give the answers you want rather than poppin’ their clogs or getting’ diabetes an’ stuff like they usually do.”
“Yeah, right,” I sez, “an’ where am I gonna find this magic test, then?
“Funny you should say that, Dave ol’ son,” he sez to me, wiv a big wink. “It jus’ so ‘appens that I happen to ‘ave a personal patent on a rahver nifty little test for CAP…”
“On yer bike,” I sez. “The only fing I reckon you can test for is CRAP, cos you’re spouting it right now.”
“Nah, straight up Dave,” he sez, all serious, like. “It’s kosher. CAP. C Active Protein. If you make sure all the fat old geezers and dears on your next big trial are chock full of CAP, chances are they’re gonna respond to your old Crestor. And wiv’ my test tellin’ you that, you can’t fail.”
“So ‘ow much are you charging fer this magic test o’ yours, then?” I arsks.
“A tenner,” he sez. “Thas nuffink compared to wot you’re chargin’ for Crestor over the course of a week or two. ‘Course, I only make a quid or two on each test, but if it all comes up roses, then you get to shift a load o’ Crestor, I get to flog my test kits, and it’s….”
“BUCKETSAMONEY!!!!” we both shout.
“Well, get ‘em in, then,” sez Paul. “Ere’s t’ doin’ business wiv yer.”
A coupla pint o’ Stella, later, Paul sez t’ me, “Ere, this clinical trial,” e’ sez. “Wot yer callin’ it, then?”
“Well,” I sez, “it’s a big, bloated ball of toxic gas that’s basically ‘ostile to ‘uman life, like, so we wuz thinkin’ of callin’ it “JUPITER”, know wot I mean?”, I sez.
“Like it,” sez Paul. “An’ where are yer gonna publicise the results?”
“Oh, it’ll be in all the reputable journals as usual,” I sez.
“Wot, like the BMJ and the NEJM, sorta fing?”
“Gordon Bennett!” I sez, “don’t be a plonker! Nah, we’ll get it the Wall Street Journal and the Daily Express, same as we always do when we wanna uncritically hype a load of average results, hide the duff ones and pretend we got a wonder drug on our ‘ands…”
“Blimey, it really could be bucketsamoney,” sez Paul.
“Course, we can’t do nuffin illegal, like, like pushin’ the stuff to doctors before we got approval for people wiv ‘igh CAP n’ that,” sez I, tryin’ to keep a straight face.
“That would’n be right, would it, like?” sez Paul, tryin’ not to piss ‘imself.
“Nah”, I sez….
“BUCKETSAMONEY” we both sez together. “Mine’s a Stella….”
And the rest is history.
Apologies to Harry Enfield and Merrill Goozner.
“Leave it aht,” I sez. “We keep runnin’ trial after bleedin’ trial based on tryin’ to show some sort of worthwhile clinical benefit, an’ all we keep comin’ up wiv is bugger all, know wotta mean, like? Best fing we can do is t’ let it slide off patent in a coupla year’s time, like, an’ jus’ cut our losses.”
“Sounds t’ me like you ain’t designin’ the trials right,” sez Paul, neckin’ ‘is Stella. “Wot you need is a way of testing all the old geezers you sign up, such that when you put ‘em on your drug, some of ‘em give the answers you want rather than poppin’ their clogs or getting’ diabetes an’ stuff like they usually do.”
“Yeah, right,” I sez, “an’ where am I gonna find this magic test, then?
“Funny you should say that, Dave ol’ son,” he sez to me, wiv a big wink. “It jus’ so ‘appens that I happen to ‘ave a personal patent on a rahver nifty little test for CAP…”
“On yer bike,” I sez. “The only fing I reckon you can test for is CRAP, cos you’re spouting it right now.”
“Nah, straight up Dave,” he sez, all serious, like. “It’s kosher. CAP. C Active Protein. If you make sure all the fat old geezers and dears on your next big trial are chock full of CAP, chances are they’re gonna respond to your old Crestor. And wiv’ my test tellin’ you that, you can’t fail.”
“So ‘ow much are you charging fer this magic test o’ yours, then?” I arsks.
“A tenner,” he sez. “Thas nuffink compared to wot you’re chargin’ for Crestor over the course of a week or two. ‘Course, I only make a quid or two on each test, but if it all comes up roses, then you get to shift a load o’ Crestor, I get to flog my test kits, and it’s….”
“BUCKETSAMONEY!!!!” we both shout.
“Well, get ‘em in, then,” sez Paul. “Ere’s t’ doin’ business wiv yer.”
A coupla pint o’ Stella, later, Paul sez t’ me, “Ere, this clinical trial,” e’ sez. “Wot yer callin’ it, then?”
“Well,” I sez, “it’s a big, bloated ball of toxic gas that’s basically ‘ostile to ‘uman life, like, so we wuz thinkin’ of callin’ it “JUPITER”, know wot I mean?”, I sez.
“Like it,” sez Paul. “An’ where are yer gonna publicise the results?”
“Oh, it’ll be in all the reputable journals as usual,” I sez.
“Wot, like the BMJ and the NEJM, sorta fing?”
“Gordon Bennett!” I sez, “don’t be a plonker! Nah, we’ll get it the Wall Street Journal and the Daily Express, same as we always do when we wanna uncritically hype a load of average results, hide the duff ones and pretend we got a wonder drug on our ‘ands…”
“Blimey, it really could be bucketsamoney,” sez Paul.
“Course, we can’t do nuffin illegal, like, like pushin’ the stuff to doctors before we got approval for people wiv ‘igh CAP n’ that,” sez I, tryin’ to keep a straight face.
“That would’n be right, would it, like?” sez Paul, tryin’ not to piss ‘imself.
“Nah”, I sez….
“BUCKETSAMONEY” we both sez together. “Mine’s a Stella….”
And the rest is history.
Apologies to Harry Enfield and Merrill Goozner.
1 comment:
With statins as a class of medications:
A.E.s are believed to be often under-reported with high doses of potent statins in particular. Additionally, there is no reduction in mortality or increase in the lifespan of one on statin therapy. So caution should perhaps be considered if one chooses to prescribe such a drug.
Several risk factors should determine if one is placed on statin therapy, and not just one.
Statins do decrease CV events and risks significantly. The statins do in fact increase endothelial function, stabilize coronary plaque build- up, and decrease thrombus formation. Maximum reduction in LDL is evaluated after about a month of therapy.
There is evidence to suggest that statins have other benefits besides lowering LDL, such as reducing inflammation (CRP), those with dementia or Parkinson's disease, and some forms of Cancer and cataracts.
It appears those statins produced by fermentation, such as Zocor and Pravachol, have less myopathy than the other synthetic statins, possibly due to being more hydrophyllic.
Yet overall, the existing cholesterol lowering recommendation should be re-evaluated, as they may be over-exaggerated.
Finally, a focus on children and their lifestyles should be amplified so their arteries do not become those of one who is middle-aged, and prevent them from being candidates for statin therapy,
Dan Abshear
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