Pharma Giles writes .....

PhoniPharm “prepared for swine flu vaccine demand” says CEO.


CEO and Chairman of Phoni, Johnny B. Sinister, rejected allegations that the pharmaceutical industry was unprepared to meet the demand for vaccines arising from the current swine flu pandemic.


“It’s ridiculous to suggest that companies such as Phoni aren’t ready to meet the global demand for swine flu vaccinations,” Sinister said earlier today, “and indeed, we’ve been actively preparing for such a pandemic for the past three years.”


“This is precisely why we’ve been closing vaccine research centres and bulk manufacturing facilities in the West, and transferring the business to cheaper and less-regulated third world and Far Eastern companies,” Sinister told reporters today. “We are now fully prepared to make as much money as possible out of any pandemic, including the current one.”


Sinister acknowledged that there had been some technical challenges related to delivering swine flu vaccines in the quantities requested by European countries, especially the UK.


“We’ve been struggling with yields on the swine flu process,” he said. “This is because some of the Far Eastern dictatorships where we make the vaccines are now insisting that we supply their own populations with the vaccines before we export any to the UK. This is significantly affecting the yield of money we can screw out of the UK government’s desperate attempts to try and convince a sceptical public that they actually have some control over the pandemic, or indeed over anything,” Sinister explained.


Swine flu is believed to be a variant of a disease until recently only found in CEOs and other senior financial advisors. GSF1 or “Greedy Swine Flu” was characterised by symptoms of itchy palms, an uncontrollable craving for wealth and power, sweating and shortness of breath in the presence of financial regulators and an inability to think beyond the next big bonus payout.


Governments around the world have poured hundreds of billions of dollars into alleviating the effects of GSF, but the disease now appears to have crossed the species barrier. Large numbers of ordinary people have now become affected, with symptoms ranging from depression and desperation, through to outright poverty and loss of the will to live.


Lord Karzi, who is still this month’s UK Health Minister, strongly defended the government’s pandemic strategy. “Our programme of empty promises, meaningless reassurances and useless or impractical advice is in full swing,” Lord Karzi said earlier today, “and I’m delighted to say that the UK media is supporting these efforts. Its hysterical doom-laden coverage is distracting everyone from remembering what a clueless and dishonest bunch of clowns the current administration really are, which is just what we want…”



In the real world, some are questioning whether the promises of “H1N1 vaccines for all” can be fulfilled…