“I’ve been deliberately holding back on shutting down most of the Nether Wallop site and relocating the business here to our Far Eastern subsidiaries, just to keep the local Labour MP and the Government happy until after the election,” said Dr. Ghastly.
“I usually always do exactly what I’m told by our executives at US Headquarters,” she complained, “and all I get in return for a seriously damaged managerial career is a lousy OBE.”
Dr Ghastly was recognised for her services to the Far Eastern pharmaceutical industry over the past 20 years.
She said: “I entered the pharmaceutical industry to climb up the managerial ladder and to focus my career skills on the most valuable outcome I could imagine – getting hugely rewarded for shafting scientists and closing sites for the cost saving financial advantages of whoever happened to be my employers at the time”.
After closing down R&D sites throughout Europe, Dr Ghastly was appointed site leader at Phoni’s Nether Wallop site in 2003 and became research site head four years later.
“I have been fortunate to work with truly outstanding teams of lawyers and human resources staff, both inside and outside of Phoni, to help promote my career and to maximise cost savings by site closures whenever I have been able to.”
“Getting this honour means that I don’t have to delay implementing a massive redundancy programme here at Nether Wallop any longer. Let the axe-swinging commence…”
Phoni chief executive officer Johnny B. Sinister said the OBE was a testament to Dr Ghastly’s work.
“Brigitte’s continued cheerleading for whatever moronic and damaging initiative my executive team of unimaginative, short-sighted and desperate maniacs can come with shows a positive commitment to Phoni’s ultimate goal,” he said, “which is getting the assets stripped out, the overheads down and the share price up at any cost to enable all of us executives to retire with massive financial packages. Ker-ching, ker-ching…”
A completely unrelated story from another “small town no-one has ever heard of” can be found here…
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