The Temptation of St. Witty.
1And so St. Witty was taken unto a high place, yea unto the very top of the glass and steel tower known as GSK Headquarters.
2There didst the Dark Lords of GSK lay before him all manner of obscene benefits packages, lewd share options, and yea even licentious pension enhancements.
3And sorely tempted was St. Witty, yet he did resist such blandishments.
4For he didst remember how his predecessor, St. Garnier The Unrepentant, was scorned for his wickedness and greed, and was rejected by his stockholders, and yea even was sorely tried by the Media.
5And long after did St. Garnier contemplate his foolishness in demanding a US-style remuneration package, and in rejecting the teachings of Mother Theresa.
6By this folly did St. Witty recall the lessons of his forefathers, and did thence reject all that was base and vile. Instead did he choose the path of righteousness, remembering indeed the misery of those cast into poverty by the Dark Lords of GSK, and the terrible financial climate of the times.
7But then the skies darkened, and lo did the Shadow of Kindler, the Darkest Lord of all Pharmaceutical CEOs, fall upon St. Witty.
8And wrath was Kindler, and St. Witty didst waver before his visage. For Kindler didst sorely tempt St. Witty with tales of his own 12.5% pay rise, and of his luxury company jet, and yea even of share options and pension terms beyond the dreams of avarice.
9Yet still didst St. Witty resist, for he feared the wrath of the Media, and the bitter scorn of the Shareholders.
10”For it is not wrong that I should be richly rewarded when so many have suffered as a result my deeds?” did St. Witty rightly proclaim. “And will not the Media rise in righteous indignation, and compare my greed even undo that of Banking Executives, as indeed happened to you, O Evil One?”
11But Kindler didst just laugh. Then did St. Witty recall that he had long since appointed Brother James of Murdoch, Son of the Mighty Rupert, as one of his Dark Lords on the GSK Board of Directors.
12And very powerful was the House of Murdoch, for it didst control what tales the Media did tell unto the people, what truths are revealed and what dark secrets are to be buried for evermore, in accordance with the wishes of the Mighty Rupert.
13Thus did it dawn on St. Witty that he no longer need fear the wrath of the Media. And thence did He say unto his Board of Directors, “a 76% pay rise will do very nicely, thank you.”
14And so it came to pass that St. Witty didst indeed receive his thumping great 76% pay rise, and all manner of incentives and inducements beyond the dreams of avarice.
15And on such greed were silent were the newspapers, and the Internet, and the Blogs, and yea even Twitter. For as St. Witty knew, the reach of his friend Brother James and his Mighty Father was indeed long.
16So thus did St, Witty descend from his High Place, and lo didst place his snout firmly in the trough.
17And thanks to his friend Brother James, St. Witty came to be held in even greater esteem…