Monday, May 21, 2007

"Hot dogs, beer here, get your Zoloft here!!"

CHICAGO (AP) – The Chicago Cubs today announced an unprecedented partnership with Pfizer and its antidepressant Zoloft that will make the pharmaceutical company the Cubs' foremost advertiser and sponsor.

In a statement, Manager of Sponsorship Sales Matthew Wszolek said the partnership will target the immense, untapped market of depressed Cub fans.

"This deal was a no-brainer, and it's really unfortunate that we didn't think of it earlier. Had we realized sooner that the fluctuating emotions, sadness, irritability and cynicism that characterize so many of our fans was actually depression, not passionate fandom, we'd have joined forces with Zoloft years ago."

The full terms of the deal were not disclosed, but Wszolek did reveal several product tie-ins.

"In July, we're going to start an affiliate program. Fans will be able to exchange their ticket stubs for a 20% discount on their first two Zoloft orders at all major pharmacies. And beginning in June, WGN's Cubs postgame show will be sponsored exclusively by Zoloft.

"We're also hoping to offer Zoloft giveaways to the first several thousand fans
at select home games, but we've run into a few delays with the federal government and the whole prescription-only rule. But our legal team should make short work of the complications. Working around the law is their specialty."

Many business analysts are calling the deal a clear attempt by the Cubs' owner, Tribune Co., to turn as much profit as possible before the team is sold after the 2007 MLB season. "And, I mean, who can blame them?" Chicago-based analyst Edward Milford said. "The way the Cubs are playing, this deal could net tens of millions for each side."


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