Pharma Giles writes.......

Getting It In The Shorts…


FAMILY DOCTORS who received an unusual consignment in the post earlier this month may have thought it was an April fool – but management of Phoni Pharm. Healthcare Ireland says it was no joke.

The company has initiated an internal investigation following the despatch to GPs of golden buckets, each bearing a Phoni logo, to mark the tenth anniversary of the erectile dysfunction medication Priapic©™ in Ireland.

It has also issued a written apology to general practitioners for “any financial embarrassment or tax offences” caused, and has enclosed freepost parcels to facilitate return to sender.

The medication was first distributed under prescription on the Irish market in 1999. Phoni says it is now the most commonly prescribed drug for erectile dysfunction, a life-style inconvenience of old age that has now been successfully pushed as a serious medical condition irrespective of the moral or medical consequences.

One GP who received the despatch said he “didn’t normally get gifts like that unless he was asked to speak at a CME event to plug atypicals,” while another said she “had no intention of returning the item because I am a greedy bastard, like most of my colleagues.”

In a statement to The Irish Times, Phoni Pharm. Healthcare Ireland said the despatch of the “Phoni-branded item” was sent to “some GPs” and would not state how many.

“This should not have occurred and only did so through the poor judgment of a Phoni employee,” the statement said. “A junior employee, of course. There is no way this should ever have become public knowledge.

Giving GPs “bribes to prescribe” is a cardinal sin, or at least getting caught is. We expect our sales people to be cleverer than that.”

“As soon as Phoni management became aware of the issue, we acted immediately to apologise for this error of judgment and to seek return of the item. Gold buckets full of krugerrands are only intended for our senior executives anyway, not bloody medics.”

“A full internal investigation to ensure this type of incident does not occur again has already commenced,” the statement said, “and needless to say, we’ve already found a junior DM we can blame, discipline and then fire, in accordance with our company values.”

“Phoni Healthcare Ireland prides itself on its high fees to doctors in relation to the promotion of all its medicines, and allowing the public discovery of this latest gift spree represents a breach of our internal policies and procedures.

As such it is being treated very seriously,” it said.“At this point very few GPs have returned the freepost parcel, and on balance most who we have spoken to realise that this was literally a golden opportunity and will be hanging on to the cash,” it said.

GPs have been invited to phone the company’s managing director or its medical director if they have any concerns about not getting incentives to push Phoni products in the future.

No relation to a story from the real world…